"Yes he's finished now. He's going to take some time off...... he's taking a gap year."
These are the words I hear coming from downstairs as my mother talks on the phone to some distant relative. As she speaks her voice gets higher, her tone more questioning, as it usually does when she's discussing something she's not comfortable with. The words 'gap year' sounding more like an allegation than an actual course of action, as if I shall only allegedly be taking time off from school when in fact I'll be secretly going to some clown college or something. But behind her suspicion she knows she must play her part, so probably for the fifth time today to some aunt who probably doesn't even know my middle name and hasn't seen me since I was four, midst forced smiles and polite 'I'm only pretending you're funny because this is an international call' laughter, she recites her lines to a question every parent of an undergraduate faces this time of year "What is he going to do now?"
After her response, the phone goes silent. Aunt X from Atlanta or as she's more popularly referred to as 'That lady who sent you that card when you were six' is trying to digest exactly what that answer non-answer means. But before she can release her avalanche of questions, my mother, like the true seasoned pro at deflection that she is (this ain't her first pony show), begins to reel off selections from her pre-prepared list of explanations, to aid in my dear aunt's transition to 'accepting' my alleged decision and to attempt to dare I say 'validate' my 'gap year'. Her favourites are:
1. "Oh he's going to do some research work, he wants more field experience" (insert nonchalant hair flip)
2. " You know he needs more time to study for the GRE, such a perfectionist!" (accompanied by super convincing hand movements and aggressive head nodding)
However, if this fails, my mother, will masterfully work my brother into the conversation, as one must always have a convo-contingency. Thank goodness for siblings with like real jobs and stuff eh?
Whilst I have nothing personal against the question of 'What are you doing to do now?', as I feel it is a pretty justified question, what truly grinds my gears is how casually it is asked. I know they say that I'm a dreamer (with a heart of gold) but I believe that what one wants and plans to do with his future is in fact a pretty big deal and should at no point in any conversation EVER be preluded by 'how's the weather' or 'what's for dinner'. And just FYI if you do choose to casually question me about my life's direction and then respond in intense shock and confusion when the response is a 'gap year', then all I have to say is
You can't have it both ways Auntie X from Atlanta!
Additionally, why is taking time off met with such skepticism? There is a quote floating around the tumblr-universe that I see on my dash at least once a day. It reads " Nothing ruins your twenties more than thinking you should have your life together already." It's the type of quote that if you make it your status on Facebook, you'll get an admirable amount of likes because everyone can relate to and bask in its importance. Those not yet in their twenties can get pumped that they have time to enjoy their teens. Those in their twenties can feel not so alone and can finally calm down, because the stress to figure life out is causing a serious case of adult acne. And those past their twenties, can reflect on a period that they now fondly refer to as the 'prime of their lives'. But much like the fact that, like any other quote on tumblr authorship changes from post to post, I'm beginning to feel that maybe the true deception is in the quote itself!
You see in the traditional 3 to 4 year university towards the end of your undergraduate degree, you are expected to:
a) Attain impeccable grades
b) Be involved in some on-campus club or activity
c) Have an executive position in said club/activity
d) Be the superman of Volunteering
e) Have the kind of mutual respectful yet meaningful relationship with at least 3 of your professors so that you can get glowing letters of recommendations from them
f) Be pleasant and personable at least 75% of the time so that said relationship may develop and blossom.
g) Learn some very practical/useful skill which will aid you in the 'real' world (or at least in your chosen field of study)
h) Hopefully make friends and memories
But just how realistic are these expectations? *Note I said realistic, and not that they are impossible. The college experience in actuality is far from theoretically sound as theoretically you are as 'supposed' to enjoy and be passionate about a field, that most of us chose when we were 17 or 18 years old. And let's face it, we were all kind of dumb at that age. To make up for this however, we are given the chance to take free electives so we can theoretically explore other areas of interests, but in actuality we end up choosing courses pegged as 'easy' or with a 'easy grader' to help boost our GPAs.
In fact a lot of the times under the guise of 'making us think' all we end up doing is working towards impressing our professors, writing papers in ways that they deem acceptable, using only sources they authorize as opposed to truly engaging in learning and challenging what is out there.While the work load is manageable more times than not, there are other factors that influence our performance other than ability such as: years spent abroad with unfamiliar teaching systems and grading schemes, personal relationships which unfortunately are very distracting, money problems, working while going to school and teachers who unnecessarily don't give As because they wish to be viewed as 'tough'. Yes I know these are our own responsibility to control, but in the end that number for our GPA encompasses more than what we did in the classroom.
At the end of our first degree, we are dictated by society to either go one of two paths: grad school or work world. But just how sound are these two options, how feasible are they? With students trying to combat the cognitive dissonance between the juxtaposition of who we were at thirteen when we had 8 classes a day and when we got home could still hold and be coherent in multiple MSN Messenger conversations, and who we are now when we wake up at 10 AM, eat 6 bowls of Honey Nut Cheerios and need to nap by 11:30 AM, are we truly ready for the working world?
And as for grad school, will I be able to pay for it with my non-paying internship? Or will I have to try and get an unfulfilling job in an unrelated field to fund it? Can I even get into grad school when most of my time was spent on the bathroom floor crying about my papers due tomorrow when I just finished the one due yesterday today, instead of trying to claw my way into professors' offices, pass the hundreds of other psychology majors, to become besties with them? Can I handle the workload involved in grad school where actually being fueled by a passion in what I'm studying is more of a prerequisite and not a suggestion? Will I be able to handle missing multiple episodes of Vampire Diaries to run pilot tests for studies I'm suppose to be creating, when I am very well aware that knowing whether Elena is with Damon or Stefan is of huge cosmic importance to my life?
AM I READY?
And what if I'm not? What if my dreams change? What's my road map now? The problem with one size fit all solutions is that they are never exactly your size. They might have fit when you were in first year, or even second year. But in the first semester of third year maybe the grad school sleeves got too big and you decided maybe you were ready to work after graduation. In the second semester maybe you washed the plans and the sleeves shrunk and you were thinking of grad school again. In final year maybe they just weren't your taste anymore and you wanted to marry rich or own a farm or travel Europe.
Plans change.
And sometimes they change so much that you have no plan in the end. And sometimes it's alright. Having a plan is important but having a plan that's right for you is the key. So grad school or work or neither. In the end it's your choice. And taking a gap year is a plan. Deciding to take a less traveled or less traditional route to your dreams is a plan. Taking time to figure it out and make decisions, are real plans, as long as you utilize the time to do so, no matter what your Auntie X from Atlanta that you haven't seen since you were four thinks. So get field experience if that's what you want. Take 6 months and write that book you've wanted to write forever. Take 4 months to really study for the GRE, God knows you haven't done a math problem in like seventy years. Work at Forever 21 and get discounts on tank tops if you please. Go to Japan and teach English, or volunteer in Haiti, or start a business, or even do another undergrad degree in a field you've decided you like more. Maybe even start a blog? (winks). Do what is right for YOU, at this point in your life. Commit to making plans that lead you in a direction you choose to go, not in a direction that society mandates.
"Nothing ruins your twenties more than thinking you should have your life together already."
I choose to believe this. And if you want, you can choose to believe this too.
Til next time remember to: Live well. Chase dreams. And always howl at the moon.
-WerepupJeremy
- 21:57
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